what's right or wrong

it felt so real. for the first time after so long.

the signs were real, the feelings were real. the kisses were real.

was it the right thing to do? guilt die in me yet i pray every night that we've hope.

not sure if it's silly to say, but it really feels different this time.

but i guess, as i type this, this will end too.

my fate is destined, to just suffer in the realm of love.

never be able to own one, officially, proudly.

it's too difficult inside me. on cloud nine one moment, and gets beaten down hard the next moment.

fear that this ends, makes me tremble. but, how long will it last?

God, i thought you've sent love to me, answering my prayers. please help.me.

i don't want anyone to be hurt. myself too.

when timing is all that matters

only if i am a decade earlier; fate,

played me again and again;

put me to the test of control;

caught me stealing touches;

left me in the bewilderedness;

thinking what to do next.

when can i call you mine? 

the month of Feb

33rd v.day

or technically 32nd since i was born 20

this part of my life that i am most ashamed of

with a scorecard of zero to kick me out of league each time

and it is like no matter how much effort you put it

it is never just yours that matter

but i thank God i have friends and work to fully distract me

at least some parts i am proud

and albeit the setbacks

there is always a strange sense of perseverance 

and hope💕

eve of Christ

tbh, i thought it could be it.

the jittery, nervously almost put me out.

i went and i enjoyed.

but the fairytale ending always far from me.

almost believing this one is not pretend.

so close. so close. still so far.....

rainy day

the best thing about rainy day is sharing one umbrella with you;

the darkest thing about rainy day is the rain will stop;

the loveliest thing about rainy day is the blissful feeling every second near you;

the strangest thing about rainy day is the same does not happen again.

not destined to fall for rain then go for the sunshine. the umbrella moment can still happen.

keeping faith and love alive.

xoxo

Embrace God's love is to be loved

I always think that God has it all planned. Almost there.

Your presence, words and actions seem to be telling me something.

Whatever the outcome, I still thank God for bringing me to where I am today.

There is no way I can get this far without your guidance, grace and faith.

Reading through posts x years ago. I hope someday I will read this too and smile.

I am still learning. There are challenges each day.

And i take each precious moment, as a chance to embrace God's love, love myself more and love those around me.

I'm not there yet, but i'm getting there.

Please bless me the strength to carry on. Amen.

backspace

2019.

backspace backspace backspace
and if life allows backspace
where would you stop?

black Fridae.
or now, maybe.

be frozen; where no reaction is a reaction.