Go away

It came back.
Then it slipped by again.
Making the tear even deeper.

If it hasn't started at all. If.
Was it ever true?

For having smittened and softened by the river.
The momentary.

Let me go.

unbelievable truth

I told myself to accept.

Nameless.
Darkness.
Feign ignorance.
Feign undisturbed.
Ask for less.
Give my best.

Putting everything and everyone else before me.
Feeling the guilt and swallowing every unpleasant word possible down my throat.
Smile and hold hopes to the tiniest sight of you, the softest sound of yours, the thinest smell of you and the slightest touch of yours.
Suppressing every single feel of yearning more.
Thinking that that's okay and enough.

All that felt like air on the diminishing sight of your back.
Deep inhale.

Reality slapped harder when the wait for you were filled with tons of care and concern.
Why was I like that.
And why now.

The day I thought of you.
The day you walked towards me.
The moment you moved closer to me.
Seemed like fairytale now. How can it be real I thought.
And just as I thought, it can't be for real.

Lost.
Yet another round of fear.
Fear in the bones, in the soul.

enchanted once more

as this is being written, romance has ceased. the moment you said '...its not for the third year', knew this is not going anywhere. may be its stubborness and egoistic, and they have indeed overwhelmed the other parts of saintness.

although never had thought that it would end the way it did, you believe? truthfully did think it would all be good one day, but reality strikes earlier than it seems. just because it really did, all other beliefs went with it. romance, love, kindness, thoughtfullness, sweetness, effort have long lost their magical effect. just because it was more than the honeyed 12 months.

thanks to all these. fairy tales just made it even more special, as it stays only, in the books. people says 'marriage is the end of romance'. in fact, romance is exactly the 'thing' that made you gushing into marriage. would what you once loved, ended up killing you? could not possibly get an answer as marriage has never an 'i willingly do' for me yet. hence, for all those happily ever after friends and families, congratulations. yours truly is truly envious. do they really exist?

the best ones are taken, the good ones arent into it. then whats there left? selfish souls who wishes for someone just as pitiful as you? that would help.

first, it was so far, yet so close.
then, it was so close, yet so far.
both are equally miserable. only when, can it be balanced?

good bye my boy

b t p o a.

impression

Just ended trip to London & Paris 10 March 12 - 20 March 12

its a journey never forgotten

learnt great lessons

experienced self navigation

seen spectacular monuments/cathedrals/places

enjoyed the walks and the shops

im loving it

living my western dream