bad

i always thought that my mdms and sirs who are grade5 or 6 (considerably high) would sign on for very long. since they're already officers. why not? but, i was wrong. many of them quitted last year. and most of them are very young (20yrs). why would they quit? other commitments? tough teacher-in-charge? uncontrollable cadets? boredom? its not gona be easy for me to say bye without turning back. i lost my resoluteness. xmas coming!! im going for gift exchanging with my sj mates n juniors! fun fun!!
its not that im proud. its not that im nice. its not that im good. its not that im clever. its not that im smart. its not that im perfect. its just that when people compare me with u, u see the difference? i appear wonderful. because u appear terrible. not that they've mistaken, u've shown it to them.
i dun deserve all that im suffering. all that i've endured through. for which i believe, u're the cause of it. u hurt me with words whenever im not prepared for them. and if i go on further, i'll make them upset. if i dun, i'll feel terrible. sometimes, sometimes i just have to lie. to myself.