not torn

where are my ears when i needed them the most.
its aching like it had never ache before.
the strongest one i am batted with.
now i know what i want.
no heart is founder than mine.

what if its real

a nightmare.
one that hardly any spoke about since.
cant guarantee if its not true, or not going to be..
i lost the look in the dream, but
not the anxiety, the hatred, the fear..
the emotions that kill.

moments

went zouk for da first time. and would be the last! nice meeting up with my exneighbour again!
didnt stay long either. i was preoccupied with thoughts then.


dad brought mummy n me to the turf club! haa. its my 2nd time there. but first time in the night. it kinda cool to watch racehorses galloping infront of you.
but once again. thoughts flowed in my mind like time never stop..


finally. made my trip with gloria n mun to the concourse. its been quite some time since. but this time it was purely for shopping!
and there goes my wallet! wad a pretty disco ball isnt it! its gona be the highlight of blkc bbq! i hope it will turn out well.
though im not too sure if ive overspent. but im liking it. =)





that's all.

thats how i smile

yesterday morning. i woke up to see epi's flower falling off (not yet bloom). it hurts.

then i so happened to see kaiyuan in the lobby and i screamed out to him like ive seen an angel. "so sad" was what we can say. im not giving up though.

so it started pretty badly. with epi and the job of purchasing lunches for strangers blahblahblah.. then my friend msged me. he came back from hk! and ive krispy kreme delivered! ah.. gonna admit. it made my day less sore. its so sweet! and im super happy to have them even though im not the one travelling.

i realised. guys tend to buy 1/2 dozen of donuts of the same flavour. but girls rarely. hee. sociological trend? ah. wadever it is. i just love them.

thanks potato!

make me fly

Name: Tree

Genus: Christmas Tree (hahaa!)

Birthday: 10 December 2007

tree is made to be with epi. haa. we've to share bad stuffs too k.

hols in hall is quite bored. i guess many people are busy with their sports trainings. and so should i.

=)

growing well.

thanks daddy for buying for me. its from ikea by the way.

haa. many of my stuffs are from ikea.. =)

nice place to shop. nice food to eat!

daim cake!!!~~

my EPI

Name: EpiEva
Genus: Sophrocattleya
Birthday: 6 December 2007

Only one bud/flower will appear at anytime. The one that is special.
Made to listen. and hang around in C318. =)























thanks kaiyuan for helping me to get Epi!

Lignified

when the trees fall.
the flowers wither.
the leaves drop.
the grasses dry.
i'll too.

basic elements required.

sunday sucks.

however,
i realised,
if im not doing it,
then im not who i am.

my distinctions. are undeniably sucky.
searching for the land mine, to blow up myself.
there i go again. a winding path.

self-inflict.

DON'T do things that are not required from you.

its enough.

its more of the relational antonym of strong than it is.

anomaly

just different.


2more days to fresher air.
6more to the sky.
the wait is pain.

running away.

went for 5k+gossip run with date at around 1230am. got pulled out of my room actually.

didnt run for a week by now. so it does feel good to be on my feets again.

or rather, have lacked the push-pull factor lately. a causal link to exams. must be.

and to reward me. he gave me a 100plus! finally. i emphasized.

cause' well. theres criteria to get it.

guess hes too stressed up with paper qualifications too. thats how life will be when u come to uni.

its just another round of paper chase.

plan your route early. conscientious effort is very important. the spirit and right learning attitude too. so, dont regret. learn to rationalize.

this is what im trying to do.

gravitational pull

just like the tides in the sea. it comes and go. now and then.
im afraid to put my feet in.
will i sink. or will i sail.
procrastinations silence me. doubts froze me. and fear riped me.
as i tried to look far. my presbyopic sight failed me.
but
there is this side of me that reminds me to go.
i need to embrace impediments. cross over. to reach the site of utopia.
just like,
when the waves of tide come. im carried up.
and when they recede, im calm again.
over time. muscles of my mind grow.
till then i'll realise.

if only opportunity cost doesnt exist. if only.

diminishing clarity

why change. in life. sometimes its just hard to adapt.
given my stubborn nature, it has never been easy for me. ever.
went back to tampines today. saw the drastic physical changes made to tampines mall. a mall which i frequent daily during my secondary school days.
felt insecure. felt unnatural. felt unfamiliar. weird.
maybe because i was alone. or the rain. or the sky.
















i spoke to You today. not through my mouth. but my heart.
i hope You heard me. pls help.

9 more days. breathe on.

maybe its the last too

just realised ive done a lot of first times in this week.

my first examination in mpsh.

the first time washing my clothes in the laundry room.

the first time staying over on saturday/friday night

the first time going for dinner at ginza.

econs was tough for me. and ive decided not to be too bothered about the result. i want to take modules that im interested in and im happy with. so i still love econs! marginal benefits.. real gdp.. potential output.. ceteris paribus.. equilibrium.. opportunity cost.. purchasing power..

its definitely not my first time to the laundry room. in fact, i kept accompanying my neighbours down. but whenever i reached there, the sight of it turned me down. hahaa. well. it was really messy somehow. u see unclaimed clothes being dumped on one side of the room. pails everywhere. and is the washing machines/dryers clean in the first place. ugh. but because im staying throughout this week. ive no choice but to push them in.

though ive to queue for washing machine.. queue for dryer.. take out others clothes for them.. its pretty fresh to me. maybe because its the first time.

sat night. well, no matter if its monday..or sunday night. the nights are always quiet to me.
but at least. tonight's moon was really big and bright. how i wish i can pluck it down and put it next to me. tonight's really warm. and i dont mean warmth. but warming hot.. probably there'll be rain tmr. where it always come after.

ginza was cool. its been quite sometime since the last time ive been to a coffeeshop! well, i mean, it has been uncle vincent (hall food) for days.. so. i kinda lost of what to eat when i reached there. too overwhelmed by the foods and shearites present. so thats where almost all shearites go for dinner on sat night. it would be better if the stall vendors look happier.

after dinner and a walk at ginza, what made my heart go lub-dub lub-dub so fast was..

donuts from the donut factory!!! well, theyre not for me but my neighbour's so nice to share with us.

to my surprise, they came up with a new flavour! the chocolate heart! but thats for my dear neighbour.

seriously, i havent figure out why am i so crazy over donuts. think its just the aesthetic donuts that im obsessed with. they look really beautiful dont u think so. and the best thing is..

they never last either.

Alright. its really late but im just done with my sis's gift. tmr's her baptism day. congratulations jie. though im not a exactly a total taoist/buddhist/catholic, ive decided to attend her day. i think i'll be really sad if none of my family members attend such important day of my life.

i hope she likes this card. with me running around the hall for photo paper and good printer during exam period. see, i stillve my lecture notes behind.

i'll pray. for everyone, to have a better tomorrow.

just realised. it'll be my first time waking up tmr without breakfast in the comhall. ugh.

best time never last

why is evening so short. i love evening. especially the view from my room. there must be somewhere better that i dont know of..

lying on my bed. finally tilted the blinds open, look out and breathe. so serene and smoothing.

if only its forever.

i can even see the sun setting! thats so cool. may be watching sunset and sunrise should be one of the things to do after exams..

sometimes i thought. why am i in hall. whenever i feel down. i wish im at home. cause im sure i can crack stuffs to share with my parents, and that distracts me from whatever thats going on in my mind. but in hall. somehow, certain things are better left unspoken.

just had dinner. and made this out of what i had.. haa. shall name it, "the last journey"

dedicated for potato. not that he reads my blog, well, its his last journey in nus. bestest luck ;)

ok. it really doesnt look appealing..

cream of crop though.

tag hweechin:

hey girl. whats friends for! no worries. im glad that u enjoyed ur bday and were touched! hee! its not just me. angela helped a lot too! we cranked up with ideas to surprise u despite working on our lecture notes. haha.

love ya too!

control theory

oh man. this is so upsetting. alright to me, particularly.

as i lament that tmr will be my 8th year of operation, i decided to go to the pantry and get myself a milo. hopefully to ease my tension and erase the flashbacks of the terrible op.

and this is what i saw!!

KRISPY KREME DONUT!!! as a donut fanatic, i cant help but to take out the box.. and looked at the label.. and its from AUSSIE!! (ugh. i ate kk from aussie before too =p)

having been donut crazing for these weeks, well, i couldnt help it. took a quick snap (and not bite!) with it. its glaze!!! one of my favourite flavours! and there's only one left in the box!! so i hurriedly returned it back into the fridge. (just like before!)

oh well. which lucky girl on level3 has that donuts man. awww.. i wana go hongkong!! hk sells!

so i came back into my room immediately. and finished up my milo in 32sec. still thinking abt the do-nut though. note: i never eat. i just looked. hee.

went pgp just now and saw these 2 intriguing trees along the road! of the same breed, but grew very differently. well, guess thats life for us too. different forms, shapes, sizes, styles.. but one human race.

with the scar on my back. i embraced pain, stares, and awful sights of it, to live on stronger.

every sec, im carrying it. natural the docs said. was it all meant to be. young and decisive. dollars and hours spents. to keep me upright, just like the trees on the left.

wombat and my donut story

this afternoon. wombat came to me and said "im hungry!!". dude, i am too. but u see, its my wombat, so in order to save him, i sacrificed my donut. =(

and when wombat saw it, he flipped and flopped over excitedly!
he smelt it, and piggybacked it somewhere.. he drooled along da way though!

wombat is damn sucky. mins later, he realized, its inedible.
wtf.









happybirthday my buayeeee kenneth!

wouldnt it be good if it would be wouldnt it?

hallllllll

last weekend back home was short.

and i was shocked too by my mum. guess wad she bought! sweet potato (tapioca) again!!
pls. she has been cooking that for me for the past 2 weeks! it could be sweetpotato desert, sweetpotato porridge.. karma.. hahaa.. a hall thing.
but well, i asked her why that again. and she said "the sweet potatoes she bought for the past weeks werent nice. so when she saw this nice ones, she couldnt bare but to buy them."
haa. there u go, so its my mummy and sweet potato. lol.
note. only my dad and i eat sweet potato.




next goodie at home!! see wad ive found! a nice donut!! my favourite.. colour (would b flavour too if im able to eat it!) haa! yup its a donut soft toy from my sis! woah. so sweet right!! both the donut and my sis! =p
thanks man. ive this donut craving these days. and she claimed that i wouldnt be able to finish this one. =)
for ur info, the donut really has a nice smell. smells lk me! =x

these weeks have been mugging weeks. i dont usually use the word 'mug' but i guess i cant escape from it here in uni. haa.

any idea wad we had in mind? haa! thanks to the level6 guys. i had a powdery powdery room. smells really good. and my fan does look much cleaner! haa. so we had expired mango juice, milk and detergent to clean their slippers for them! we love them as much! =D
hee. and i think these pranks should come more! im boreding to max in hall!! no activities during exam periods is sad. =(


and when im back hall today! ta-dah. i had 3 extra post-tiks that say "sleep! facial and movie!" hahaa..
it was explained by quin that i have to organize all of them. and in fact, there were a whole list of 10over activities! but gods wish, the rest flew away before i return! hahaa!!
so whos the organizers for the rest?! hee!!
i'll continue the list anyway!

1)sleep
2)facial
3)movieS
4)sentosa
5)clubbing
6)go botanical garden (during nitecycling i realised i didnt go in thr yet!)
7)bbq
8)cooking
9)ponding
10)and more ponding!!! lol..
tts all for now.. will be back to update!!


keep this short sweet and simple pls =)

all over again.

sleep. easily said than done.
i just cant do it.
my body clock is failing.
im physically exhausted. but my mind is still alert. and soon will be drained.
is this exam stress again.
i slept at 4plus am, and wake naturally at 730am!
isnt good.
i tried sleeping at 230am, but i laid there for an hour, twisting and tossing over tens of times.
ended up, studying again.
ive done this. and have to do it many times more.

read a senior blog that reads last day of school.
how will i feel if this is my last sem. my last day.
happy to graduate. but have left many things undone.
will i regret not studying hard enough, or regret not taking up enough challenges.
with loads of uncertainties and unpredictable fate, i might be sailing into the working world 3/4years later.

just realised lots of my poly friends are graduating this year too.
hope they already know what they want to achieve in life.
and dont be like yours truly, caught in the labyrinth.

u know i know who knows

5k. followed by badminton.
neeeed more. more. more. more..
but i think i need more time instead.
exam. period.

knowing wad u want yet unable to achieve, makes me golgi.

my birthday is coming. and this time its 8yrs old.
wad would it be like if i died 8years ago..
happy birthday to me.
scarred.

recurrence or ocurrence?

starry sky tonight
blurs my might and lose my tight
i look from my side
and i found no bright light

where have the lights gone
i laid and thought
i shut my eyes
and they came back to life

not again.
bless me.

thanks for that talk. i'll surely miss u guys.

5k wasnt enough once again to worn me out.
it wasnt about the run. it was about the mind.
somewad. i just felt like screaming out from within.
endorphin. endorphin. i ask for it during my run.
wadever that i want very badly. i do very badly for it.

wad the f.

i just need the ears.. (and i had.)

how long do they last. how long can i last.

i need..

o man. the craving sets in again. i dont know how long i can endure. i kept seeing it..

do do do do NUTS!

marks the end of sem1

jts -junior treats senior
i'll miss 8 short after they grad. (see left - wad theyve done for us on halloween. damn. my heart dropped out. its our lift by the way. it was really gd effort. i wish to see peter though. ha)
the juniors.
6 of us! (we actually hav a +1 who was not ard.. all the time)

then that night, we celebrated shimin's bday!
thx to shimin, laimun and me got our license for ponding! heheehee..

damn. i was reminded.

ive got a wet kiss from david. hee! i dont mind another one! =)

sheares link

though im supposed to be really relax at the back, i held on to the grip with my life.

SHEARES NIGHT CYCLING 26 Oct 07

cool. my first time tandem-ing. and honestly, thanks to my partner, we managed to complete the whole course.

set off at 12am from nus, and reached east coast park at 7am. cool. a long long night..

i was afraid petrified shocked nervous anxious thru the whole journey. to loss control of the steer in my life. to follow others. require some time.

but lucky me, my partner can ride. so it was still a smooth and safe ride for me.

i'll need some courage to do it again. i'll.

shit me. its just my fault. its me. i know.