hate myself

limited language
restricted vocab
banned action
so how to say

a sport that cannot win
an instrument that cannot play
no words no ways no chance to say

its bitter its sour
less spicy
yet blended and
taste nothing

i hate to say. what i cannot say.

pls make me believe

do u know how it feels to see your mailbox flooded with tons of mails regarding things that u dont wish to know?
pls make me believe..
which i still dont..
im really finding it hard..
im losing control..
i can still smile..
i can still talk..
but its never the same as before..
i dont want to know why..
i just want to get over..
u can try to convince me..
but i dont see how..
even if i have to lie every day..
cry every night..
i know the last day will still come..
im just praying.. for the day to come fast..
before i run out