i loathe this so much!

so all i can do now is wait.
wait for peoples' reply.
wait for photographs.
wait for powerpoint slides.
damn it! i was multi tasking just and now all i can do is to wait.
and even a minute of resting makes me feel weird all over. and i decided to blog.
albeit wanting to finish my book, and finish the drama series, im still waiting for responses online!
dreaded.

fac training has been tedious for me. i realised how impatient i am still after a year of leave. its bad larh. i know im not supposed to flare, or even a little mad with the kids. but i just cant help it!

packed the training cupboard after fac training. had this 'finally the cupboard belongs to me' feeling. the swagger stick, the stjohn n state flag, the leisure camp, jnco camp files, the fa manual, the fa notes, nominal rolls blah blah blahh.. are mine!
its not the materials that fantasize me of course. but the responsibility of being a training officer. i guess everyone knows da importance of training. its as though the education of the cadets are partially in my hands! (it depends on themselves and their instructors too)
i know ive a lot to do.

and im still working on my logo. damn it. im left with one last chance for my sis to use photoshop for me. and im so sure the next time i need to pacify her more! omg. wad a choice ive made. im still not prepared for negative comments to fall on me. well, thats always tough to swallow. esp after the effort put in. im shot.

im left with 1day before 07 begins! and ive still lots of st john work undone! omg. dont mention work! i haven't even start working! only when can i start working? i still have std3 course to go for. workplan to assist in. logo to build on. fa powerpoint to check. instructors to groom. fac to train.. omg!
and i havent even have time to reflect on 2006 and ponder about my aims in coming 2007!

once again. my nov and dec have been dedicated to my dearestest stjohn.

i dont wish to pass newyr while doing some st john stuffs.

enough of my complains. people, just render ur service.

thoughts

well. spent quite an effort in designing my corps logo for our corps shirt. and really thanks to my sis for using photoshop for me, i was pacifying her all the while.
however, i rejected my design. i guess the logo has yet to show me what tpsjab has.
pretty upset. but im not beaten! =)
im coming up with another one! and hopefully, my sis is in a goooooody mood again when she returns! ha!

just my sketches.. not too bad huh..
ok. i told my sis to type 'My CORPS, My Pride' and look wad she typed! haa! we had a great laugh over it larh! then she added, tampines sch corpses! hahaaa.. wth! damn it! but i thought its funNY! ha!

Ok. so this was wad ive decided on earlier. well. not exactly bad larh k. but its just not right yet!








FAC training has been really upsetting! damn! i guess hweechin and i tried real hard to not feel that way. but still, today we conforted each other. ha. i really hope weve the strength to carry on. if the cadets are working hard, i dont see any reason for trainers not to do so as well. its indeed disappointing to see that happening. but hweechin and i will strive on! so will our FAC teams!!
FAC TRAIN!

just came back from my JC gang gathering! wohoo! its really sweet to meet up with them! and its terrible to know that they're all working except me! damn! and until now, ha! they still couldnt understand why am i involve in this voluntary organisation! and i can tell from their faces that they're just bored with what im doing for st john!

SURPRISE!

Its a birthday surprise for vanessa! i really find our ideas for birthday surprises are damn GREAT!
woke up at 5am to travel to van's house!!
angela hweechin me moved discretely to her front door, waiting for her to open the door.
damn! she's late! so anyway, we waited. quietly and anxiously. the moment she steps out of her gate, HAPPYBIRTHDAY VANESSA! hahaa!
she's shock! real shock! and ta-dah!! we present her the mudcake-muffin-looking birthday cake! wohoo! the whole experience was awesome! we rated it an eight star (out of 10) birthday surprise! hahaa!

This is the birthday cake! home-made by angela and hweechin! its a totally chocolatey fudge cake! its their first time, and i thought its good! can you see the words above?! haha! its their creative idea, using m&m chocolate to spell out 'HAPPY B'DAY VAN'. they got no space for a 'P', that's why a P is some sort of flying above! hahaa!!
they're now considering to work on other cakes such as cheeze cake, fruit cakes etc.. am i having one next year? hee!!
oh! i didnt join them for the cake making. so i made a powerpoint slide show for her! i guess its super touching larh! i could feel emotions running through me as i put all the pictures up! with music some more! its full of our memories, i hope she'll like it! so after all the DIY, we only manage to sleep at 1am..

We tried to cut the cake out but its just too hard! so see, our hands trying to DIG a piece for van!


Erm, u got to turn your head upside down to see this pic! yea. its taken using hweechin's hp. not too bad larh. we had a great laugh over the timer! damn! we got cheated by her phone!

then, van need to rush to katong for her service. and its just 8am. so wad angela chin n me did was.. to sit at the bus stop and chit chat! (or bitch, or gossip u call it) haha! marvelous! can u believe it! we chatted for 2 long hours until it was 10am and we took bus 34 to IKEA!
champ! i guess we just love each other's company dont we? hahaa! its angela's first time there, so i sort of like bring her around! and the worse thing is, she had an idea of playing hide-and-seek there!! damn it!! both of them tricked me! omg! then when there's chance, we tricked chin too!! haa. we're really mad. and so, angela doesnt dare to leave at least 3 steps away from us! hahaa. afraid dat we're doing the same to her. well, she'll have her time! muhahaaa.. revenge!
so, excited we are, took pics, ate swedish meatballs, hotdog bread, roamed around the megastore, went over to courts too, and waited patiently for the free shutter bus! tts silly! could've taken a cab instead since there's 3 of us.

alright! we've a spendid christmas eve huh. excited for christmas celeb tmr with my extended fam! MERRY CHRISTMAS people!
love ya!

yea right

i realised its never good to receive hweechin's phonecall!
yesterday she woke me up at 1230 to inform me to reach tpss at 130 for fac foot drill training! gosh. so i tried to pull myself out of bed and look at my foot drill sequence sheet. yea the one that i was given when i was sec3! crumpled and old..
and the best part is, i've already forgotten quite a few of the drills!! trying to recall the drills and commands, i called up ben and sze ling for help! i guess we've all forgotten the drills huh. hahaa.
gobbled up 5 tang yuan and got daddy to drive me to school! and its just so unlucky, on the way, we met the damn guy i hate! so i pointed out to daddy to run him down! muhahaa. no larh! its just suay to meet him! duhhh.
ok. i was dressed down by daddy when he knows dat i didnt want to go. was it my stupidity like wad daddy said? daddy pulled me out of my comfortable cacoon and ask wads the point of continuing if i dont want to improve! mummy asked me to quit then. this question or rather a problem has been bewildering me eversince i mentioned it to daddy. damn!
after much thought, i finally made up my mind to go. ive to work on it. i still wish to help out in snco. i want to get fdi gold! i want to be a cpr instructor! i still want to be a stjohnian!
like the motto of tpjc, aim and achieve! to bring success in all our learning.
so, daddy, im doing this for you too! =)

as for my dearest frens who are quiting, or considering to quit, perhaps just consider once more. there's so much to learn in stjohn that u probably wont be able to achieve anywhere else. and i sincerely wish to see u still in stjohn.
huiying and szeling right? angela and hweechin too!

im on the right of this pic!!! but the damn camera just hates me larh! took several times w/o me inside the pic!! even if i hold the camera!


ok. so after many many many attempts.. finally! i squeezed my face into this pic! damn it man!
but well, this pic turns out good larh! with the xmas tree behind. but guess where we were! hahaa..

right. im off to work on my training schedule already!

happy BElated bday hweechin!

who's bday!?
Ma'am huiying's idea of getting hweechin to get the candle holder out from the cake! hahaa.. its evil.. but i like it!
so ta-dah!! look how happy she is after getting that out! then we quickly cut the the piece of cake out! with her saliva man! hee!




we gave hweechin a birthday surprise!! during socialnite! its a celebration after one mth and 2days from her actual bday! ha! thanks ma'am huiying for luring her away while we prepare! im starting to think that im a really creative person! muhahaaa!!
Look! muhahaa! this is to prove that logistic is really working! i mean my ncos are larh! hahaa! i was laughing away when they tried to count the no. of raffia strings, poles, plastic cups, forks, spoons etc! muhahaa!!

this is logistic after 14km route march from tpss to east coast park!
Once a Log, forever Never gona be in Log!
;)

SNCO 06

finally. i've reached a point where my rank can no longer bring me further in snco. served snco for consecutive 3 yrs have allowed me to learn a lot from this whole experience. 1st yr in the advisory wing, 2nd in training and 3rd yr in support.
well. i wouldnt say i didnt get promoted for these 3yrs. rather, trying out in 3 very different departments have trained me to be more skillful in them. one disappointment would be that i havent try out my dreamed dept i.e. admin. to sit beside handsome officer and be his secretary! hahaa!! dream on!
when the whole world is emerging and movin forward, while u refuse to, no matter wad reason u have, one day, u'll realise its time-up for you. im pretty much at this situation already. i honestly dont mind my juniors to advance before me. im refering to those deserving ones. But of course, undeserving cadets get their rank as well. i hate it when the meaning behind the rank gets degraded; tarnished; ruined because of those black sheeps. that gives me no reason to follow suit.
however, honestly, daddy's words have shakened my stand. what he said is true. but i just cant make myself agree to another round of mental torture. whats all these for? i asked and nobody can answer.
for this yr's snco, as a greenhorn in support, i felt like an adjunct. For logistic, i admit i didnt do any thing more than rushing the kids for bunk arrangement. i even laughed when i saw the log list that says 'stapler - 1 marbles - 20 etc'! who the hell needs stapler and couldnt bring it himself? hahaa! until now i cant figure that out. we are required to count every items after they're returned. so for me ofcourse, i laughed while my nco count the 20 marbles! its ridiculous i thought!
so, apart from support, went to help out with training, as the station master for their mission, and as casualty 4times for triage! see! thats how i became useful i guess.
oh. not forgetting im called the toilet paper incharge, hor ma'am chuiyee? haha. well i admit that. its my responsibility to ensure all female toilets have sufficient toiletpaper to use. hahaa. pretty easy job larh. so thats wad i do for log, nothing great though.
only when i put myself in support, i realised the whole camp tends to neglect support and admin dept the most!! even though we're not the ops, the people u see often, we're the ones building the base for the camp! without our assistance, i believe the camp is not going to run smoothly. never forget the kindness of the support members!
lastly, i just cant seem to escape the fate of meeting people i really dislike in camp. as much as im concerned, seeing their faces in my premises (tpss) just disgust me. needless to say, the rank on their shoulders. so people, consider carefully who to send for promotions. dont be the one who mess up the whole ranking system. whatever it is, we're all volunteers for this camp! why say things to make others feel uncomfortable right. snco should be renamed as senior nco learning course.
the best part behind camps is to see my own cadets grow. well. they may not have performed to my expectations. but i strongly believe that they have grown and matured in many ways. the trainers who are trained by me as well. im really pleased with their involvement and commitment to their diff areas. the whole experience would have been a great one for them to forever remembering it.
of course, another best part is the people u meet and love in camps! im really pleased ( and i believe angela and van too) that we've known many trainers from diff corps. knowing them and having them as friends enhances the joy and happiness you'll have in camp! in stjohn! they have also become a reason why ive decided to assist in this yr's camp. in every ways, they made me enjoy the camp! im really proud to know u guys. so i shall announced it here, chuiyee! huiying! william! thanks for leading me through. =)

pics will come soon..

Training Dept

my training syllabus for 2007 is out!
wohoo!! thanks to the two persons who helped me!
wee! wanted to post reflections on snco but now no mood for that. perhaps that will come tomorrow. just glad that my foot drill and first aid syallbus are done! =)

thank u guys!

an end

oh my god.
i cant imagine going for camp with irregular secretion of progesterone and oestrogen within my body! stress, insufficient sleep and nutritional deficiency will definitely excerbate my condition! shit! this is terrible!!
im already feeling all the heat. but i have no control over these hormones.
i need oral contraceptive pill to supress my emotions!! ahhHh!
i need to cry! i have to cry!! i want to cry!!!
shit.
people, embrace my face in camp. as i'll try to embrace yours too.

yea im gona get a trophy for serving snco for consecutively 3yrs! this comes in time to mark da end of my snco journey..
snco 04 still rocks larh!
i cant wait for 18th dec to come!!!

听海

today's k session was funNY! because of hweechin's version of 听海! gosh! a sad song became a joke!







camp's coming.. .. ... ... ..... ....... ...........

sj

still shining when i took it out from da shoebox after 10mths!








it contains my heart sweat pain love passion..

on leave for 10months and today is da first time wearing my stjohn u again.
someone once told me dat im too rigid and refuse to accept changes. gets irritated also because of da new management. well. i guess i cant deny it. snco always proves me dat.
a bad day. mood spoiled. i nve knew dat i need to withstand the * of some people and nve realise my mental tolerance cannot take them. if i didnt walk off, i would probably explode or burst infront of them. its tough to accept da present scene. seriously there isnt anyone to blame. but i still cant accept da fact dat someone deal with dat in an extremely wrong way which is so unfair to me. somehow im glad dat he has improved and dealed with similar situation in a more suitable way this time. i know i really need to stand strong.









very strong. =)..










practically, nothing interest me more than my own corps training department now. but i need to brainstorm damn lot of things for it. and every generation is different. there's a need to adjust my training schedule or method to suit da new standard.
i had a double blow this morning when mdmsim told me dat justintoh is leaving tpss for sji next year..
STAND STRONG!
but
have i chosen da wrong dep for s?
or da wrong camp?
maybe im da wrong person.

GANG

Finally, dined at Jack's Place with angela, chin and joanna!
its a reunion for all of us since we last met during aug, before prelims!
dinner was real good! better den ritz carlton! haa!
after dinner, we went gela's place to play mahjong! omg! its been ages since i last touch mahjong tiles during erm.. chinese newyr? so glad dat da luck came to me.. hee! chin is da overall loser! hahaa..
as usual da damn dog, i mean galgal, scared da hell out of me.. or perhaps i frightened her too! hahaa.. so in da end we stayed over at her place. chatted with angela till 430am then we decide to sleep.. it was so funny when we badmouth chin to test if she's still awake! haha! and obviously, she's in lalaland alrd!
so angela n me indulge in reminiscence.. we talked about our old memories together.. awww.. all da sec2 camp. leadership camp. jncoS. sncoS. dat we've attended.. our really nice tutors in tpss.. ranjit. mdmho. ms moothy. shi laoshi.. indeed, these experiences are memorable..

absolute pessimist

seriously, i have never realised da depth of da damn hole ive dug.
now dat ive no way out but to take a step ahead everyday, walking closer and closer to it..
i finally see da darkness beyond it. shit. im bound to fall into this deep damn pit!
stjohn!! im stuck!

4E1 gathering!

Yesterday morning went airport to send off my extended fam to philippines! ugh!! missed my trip again!! wt.. how to promise my aunt to go nxt june when i mayb having snco/jnco again!


Well then had a fabulous time at 4E1 lunch gathering!! we dined in at Hans River! the gathering was awesome! Oh man! i simply miss cheewee aka literature soooooo much!!! hahaa! just look at the pics and i believe u can identify da joker alr right! haha! absolutely!! hes amazing k! he can make u laugh till u drop! oh god! i jus feel lk laughin alrd upon seein his pic here! hahahaaa..

all thanks to our organiser, fat!! and the coordinators, yvonne and urs truely me! to make the gathering possible! its really nice to meet up with the class and our retired formteacher aka geo teacher who managed to assist me into getting an unexpected A2 for combined humanities! hee! opps! im guilty for tearing my geo book once durin her lesson when i was so pissed with geo! hahaa.. ah, and the strength was 22+misslow out of 40! pretty good!! more den half da class came! ah! i love this feeling! so sweet and warm! once again, literature managed to cheer my day!

oh yarh! not forgetting another one of my favourites, jianli!!! hahaa, became shorter (180cm) suddenly. yea! perhaps he grew earlier den the rest and then slowly others outgrow him! hahaa! as usual, got smack hard on my back by jianli!! and i took my revenge! mhuahaa! jus watch out during ur bday! hahaa! ahhh its a pity i 4gt to take a pic with jianli!! and yr hug made me feel like going back to 2e3 time.. =)

and atnight went to jianhong's place for dinner! shooo shiok man!! he made creamy mushroom linguine!! and jiafen had her way on the diluted cambell soup! we then watched a blacknwhite movie, 'a walk to rmb'. i tot its not really dat touching wad.. i wonder why charis said she cried so much! hahaa! but at least after months of urge to watch dat movie, finally watched it!
really had a great time!!

fat! send me da class photo!

Ritz Carlton Prom

prom was jus lk the theme says 'glitz and glamour'. "blink blink!"
wads best was postprom activity! we didnt go dxo of coz, rather a couple of kbox-ers went cineleisure for our nightsinging! wohoo!! it happened to b da 20th/40th anniversary for kbox and there's 40%discount!!! so surprised! hee!
and confirmed, those ppl are amazed with my singing skills! muhahaa! and so was i! the only girl left standing 'high' at 6am, with the other 3 semiconscious guys! hahaa!! crowned k-queen! ;)
now i know how to keep myself awake thru da night during snco!!

random pics:
my beloved gang who i held onto thru my yrs in jc.









then da flash on my cam went off..
i'm so gona miss u guys! whrs zy?!
my buddy (KP) frm tpss (who was nve my classmate before)! oh, he has big breasts! muhahaa!

of coz w lots of other guys too! but iya, KP u're jus so lucky i choose to post urs here! haha!

anger is contagious. i cant help it!

black face. bao qing tian.
wtf!
how da hell can one hav a green face, blue face purple face or face of an angel when they're in fits of anger?!
its just freaking irritating to smile or even look good! when u're angry! wtf u expect!!
as much as i wana post how happy i was during prom and especially da post-prom kbox session, im jus too mad to do so!
why are people so freaking INSENSIBLE!, APATHETIC!, IMPENITENT!! fucking hell! reason is so obviously but is still grambling!! yar right! useless!!
people, its just so against my integrity, against my principle, downgrading my dignity!!
my m is so bloody thickskin! so many cousins of mine hav been putting her as their best gugu and see wad da hell she has done!?!
damn it! im so ashamed!
when my frens say hey ur m is so nice n friendly. kao!! i forced a smile on my face.
time and again i given her chance n chance. even if i forgive again this time, i'll NEVER forget!
it simply accummulate on my blacklist!
haha! perhaps one day, i'll just explode!
change her? yah! even my aunts know its impossible! i jus cant talk sense into her!
sometimes, i wonder, how da hell i got all my genes?! from who??
dont even try to understd this.