Thursday, March 30, 2006

lots

when im determined that i can score full marks or highest for this topical test.. "Lee Ling, 27"..
'oh no' i thought, accompanied with a few 'woahs'.. 'perhaps still the top?' smiling. "kenneth, thirty upon thirty"
'oh my god'.. indeed a little disappointed still. where have my 3marks gone to?!!? haha! slam myself on the door! still satisfied larh! its integration ok.. which is one of my worse chapters! (consoled) hahaa!! got to work harder still!! a definite f for my discrete random variable. haii.. (i thought its too easy to study..) haha! wrong prediction!
ok. had chem spa today. still manageable. after all, chemistry practical is always much much easier as compared to bio's!!! and our worse nightmare is coming!! bio spa next thurs! 1hour!! not so possible to complete man.. i started with really neat handwriting and indept thinking for bio trial, and near to the end, gosh! illiterate handwriting and i dont even know exactly what am i writing! dilution table supposed to be at the procedure, i drew it on the biological knowledge! terrible attempt.
oh. gotten new phone. cheapo, moto L6 at just $18. well i wanted a new student plan initially, but since the phone is so cheap, might as well jus buy it ah. upgraded from 100sms to 1000sms now! LOL! how to use man? i used to exceed by 30msges only.. haha! so guys, nth to do? sms me! haha! oh, call too. still incoming free. lalaLa!
wad i hate is the criticism i get from some people! oh my god! i tried choosing words tt r appealing to my ears, but apparently, i got so pissed that i kept myself shut and just let them play w my phone while complaining~ its irking me! thats the reason why i rather not change my phone. and seriously, im not like those 'xi xing yan jiu' (prefer new than old) ppl, i missed my samsung phone.. changing it back for use! perhaps in this case, people can stop giving me those unpleasant remarks! bleah. =P
ms ong (gp cum civic tutor) will be on leave for the whole mth of april! wohoo! haha. no comments. =x
challenges at home can be tougher than at school! my god. i've to always crack up with ideas and ways to tickle my parents! or at least communicate with them. yea. perhaps this can help them to reduce the rate of suffering from alzhemia or senile? =x (haha) this work is real brain draining.. and extremely challenging. sometimes i failed. and i've to try other methods.. and when i get the ball rolling, wo hoo! discussion nonstop. and that's wad i want! in this way, they can 'activate' their brain and express themselves more. and maybe give me more insight views. hahaa! im treating it as a game! level up! =)
wish me luck for bio spa!

Monday, March 27, 2006

too responsible.

hey chuiyee! if u're reading my blog. haha. thanks for the photo! i had it!
thanks a lot! its beautifully taken, thats for sure! hehe.
still look good though it appeared a little small in it! =) THANKEW!
oh, nice envelope! looks new! haha.

i tried to convince myself that studying can be fun. making friends is a challenge. learning and solving problems are just part and parcel of wad a student does. but somehow, its not so easy. especially when im in this state- 8mths away from a levels!! gosh. 3 huge subjects to clear with fantastic grades and 1 largely important language to pass. grumbling doesnt bring me any closer to my success. yes. i better get back to form.

well. have been away from st john routine quite some time. in fact, i feel pretty useless now. as in unable to accomplish things that satisfy me. since most of wad i want to achieve, can only be achieved in st john. standing infront to lead is never easy. but im so ready to do it. however, back to class. haii. seriously, i hav been telling my best pals that i feel so MAN. im like a man in the class. the one to lead. to head. to push. to speak. why couldnt some guys impressed me with their leadership skills? not that im condemning them. im just so disappointed in them. wishy washy. irresponsible. muddleheaded. can't-be-bothered attitude.. honestly, i cant trust u. as the class rep, i've failed.
im just too responsible.

Friday, March 24, 2006

when

oh man. when will another happy day comes? hmm. that's bothering me when im day dreaming.

Monday, March 20, 2006

fac

another HAPPY HAPPY day! =)

i realised,
sometimes, a little thing that u've done made me smile.
while some other times, because of that little thing that u've done, im disappointed.
true right? =)

Sunday, March 19, 2006

gamblers!

ohh.. so drained! have been studying/completing hmwk these days.. and my daily routine is just sleep, study, eat, watch television, study, sleep, eat, watch television.. oh my!! wad an unhealthy lifestyle!! its so tiring. brain exhausting. mind depleting. wadeva u name it..
tml is zone 8 first aid cum home nursing competition! going to cchsm. (finally out of house). will tpss win something this year? hmm.. well, hoping for one. but its all up to the competitors tml! goodluck to them. just do yr best and have lots of fun! oh.. i get to see pl too!! hee!!!
wad to blog about? hmm. my family is having some financial difficulties. shittiest thing that can happen to me. well, it does. i've one great grand uncle to take care of (erm, my dad taking care of him). and his expenses that cover 3meals, medical fees every mth, cigarettes, toto, 4Ds, horse betting add up to $800/mth! that is a lot! especially for the fact that my dad earns $1500/mth only? terrible right.. wad makes me mad is not the over all sum.. its the fact that he's spending excessively on meaningless yet harmful stuffs like gambling and smoking!! oh my.. i hate it seriously!! i cant stand heavy smokers and extreme gamblers! only such "intelligent" and "clever" people do that to shorten their life and extend their miseries! Is increasing of 4D prize a blessing or otherwise? oh my. i guess many out there has convinced themselves to think it is! so.. this problem led me to think.. is elderlys an asset or a liability? (its all depending on ur finance i guess) see.. so how to stop? persuade him is useless. persuade my dad might help. but he's complaining to me that if he doesnt gamble, then he'll lose that little chance of winning thousands over dollars. wad an excuse!! but that does shut me off. lost for words. my my.. if u win once, u'll hope to win twice.. then trice.. then every week.. everyday.. everytime.. but common sense is that that wont happen!! well.. common sense isnt that common after all.. so i was thinking how to solve the problem.. and my dad suggest that we'll sell my uncles' house.. so that we can at least sustain him for another (hopefully) 5yrs or more. and get him a rented room..
the best solution for now i guess..
unless.. we strike toto/4D today!
haha.. not again.. =P

Thursday, March 16, 2006

ignite camp

attended a children social service camp for 2days kept me in bewilderment.
what are my objectives?!
that's a question i seriously regret not asking myself before going.
it was really a new experience for me after participating in so many st john related camps.
this is a camp without proper schedule, without rules and regulations, without authority, without hierarchy, without discipline! sounds terrible right. yes! that was it!
the first look at the 20 over primary 4-6 kids made me smiled benignly. they are just young, cute and mischivious larh! i thought.
but just after a few minutes, i doubted everything that i've said to reassure myself. making them assemble, asking them to keep silence, pushing them to work together, motivating them to participate actively, coaxing them to stop crying were not easy at all.
yes. did all that. successfully with the help of all fas members, especially my partners, kahhui and jingxuan. =)
our team, team1, pikachu was actually the winning team. but due to the lack of seriousness in rehearsing the last performance (gotten last for that event), over all the 3rd team out of 4. though kh and me were mad about it, thinking that the score system was a scam. we realised that its more important for the kids to accept failure than to celebrate success in life. hopefully they learnt.
our team leader, a p6 boy, soon kwang,is a borned leader! many people were inpressed with the way he gave instructions. so am i! but he still has a long way to go and lots more to learn as a leader.
another p4 boy, weichen, a sailormoon. sail off himself halfway through activities.
two lovable girls, charyn & xiao pei, very shy at first. but opened up after a few interactions.
a smart, obedient p6 boy, dornsen, with a identical twin, is very good at drawing! still remembers his drawing of pikachu on the team flag. beautiful!
lastly, a well known as chicken little, p5 boy, keng tai, is just so adorable! he looks really similar as that of chicken little cartoon! and even if i disturbed him by tieing up his hair with my hairband, he still happily posing for pictures! and he kept telling me "i can make people smile with my laugh. hehehee hahaa!" and i smiled. =)
honestly, i got pissed several times. and i thought why should i give myself so much pressure when i still hav st john to worry, school to stress. that's true. however, after all im still glad that i've found a new feeling there. and know a lot more about young children. luckily with zhengyi, jingxuan and hweechin (on phone) to accompany me. i managed to handle myself pretty well.
last night, took lots of photos. and sheryl, the 1st girl i know from the camp, a cubby girl from another team, came to me and said "leeling jiejie, can i take a picture with u? when are u all coming back? i'll miss you." oh my. melted. at that moment, i didnt know what to reply either. i thought i was just earning cip hours through this camp. haha! so sheepishly, i smiled and told her not to worry. she'll meet new jiejies and korkors in other activities that she go for. =)
well. obviously. i know my fas members better and met a few other volunteers like ken, jack too! not a wasted trip though my objectives were all in a mess!! haha..
(upload pics next time!)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

happy day! snco finals

I' m so HAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, March 10, 2006

nice day!

oh man. wad a busy week for me. but NICE!
im always a mediator in sec sch and here im one again!! and muhahaa!! i accomplished my job in just 2 days!? soooooo satisfying!! heee!!
aint im great? hehee! no larh, i just feel good when others feel good too!! haha! and its really wonderful to see you guys become friends again! hee.
SL though its really draining killing a few of us.. i guess it'll be a fruitful and meaningful one! after all, its community involvement programme through service learning! haha!! sounds convincing?
ok. tomorrow will be busy too! going bak sj for standard admin! and guess wad i've for the std2s! muhaha.. some really good interesting intellectual sensible activity!! u guys better love it! and learn from it!
then after that, having last last final final snco meeting @ HQ @ 7pm! wohoo! marks the last meeting for it!! shiok! so i'll be busy looking n listening to... muhahahaa!!! no larh! kidding! =P
oh, yesterdays cca exhibits! 12 J1 signed up for FAS!! that's good already! jus hoping more will turn up on orientation day!! oh yarh! we all wore our newly made FAS shirt! bright orange!! so cooL!!! haha! united seh! =)
yea! and im going tree top hill trekking with young kids and a few of my friends!! its a cip again!! clocking another 6hrs!!! yupiee!! im looking forward to a real nice graduation certificate! muheheee!!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

ulcer = broken friendship

Description:
A mouth ulcer is a painful open sore inside the mouth caused by a break in the mucous membrane.
Mouth ulcers often begin with a tingling or burning sensation at the site of the future sore. In a few days they often progress to form a red spot or bump, followed by an open ulcer.
Signs & Symptoms:
The mouth ulcer appears as a white or yellow oval with an inflamed red border. The grey, white, or yellow coloured area within the red boundary is due to the formation of layers of fibrin, a protein involved in the clotting of blood. The ulcer, which itself is often extremely painful when agitated, may be accompanied by a painful swelling of the lymph nodes.
Mouth ulcers are classified according to the diameter of the lesion. Minor ulcers, the most frequent type, are less than 10mm in diameter and typically heal in 1-2 weeks without scarring. Major ulcers are greater than 10mm in diameter and are incredibly painful. They usually take more than a month to heal and frequently leave a scar.

Causes:
The exact cause of mouth ulcers is unknown, but factors that appear to provoke them include stress, fatigue, illness, injury from accidental biting, hormonal changes, menstruation.

This is a the definition of an oral ulcer. I thought it matches the descriptions of a relationship as well.
Broken friendships started off with the MOUTH speaking the wrong words. Then this painful burning sensation in you grows and remains there.
The sore inside, worsen and swell up when you're frustrated.
small quarrels wont last, but serious ones will. and they do, leave a scar behind, forming a boundary between you and your friend.
We always think that our friend is in the wrong. but in actual, is that true? are you sure? well, probably school stress, other relationships and pms are affecting your mood and attitude.
Hmm. so whats the conclusion?
An excruciating pain.

To my taggers!
fat: muhaha! serious?? my present!!!! wohoo!! anxious! =) thanks man! i know i'll love it! presents frm u always have special memories.. hee!
ken: haha! thanks a lot! hopefully everythings going well with the CCSS organisation. and if i've probs i'll look for you k! =P
chin: hey hey.. u come and ask from me arh! if not, i wont remember one.. then dont blame me for not sending ok.. haha!
yang: well.. the prob lies with the internet connection that day. i clicked once. and twice.. and trice.. so.. haha!
xiuhui: wahh!! inspiring tag!! thanks man!! im strong!!! hehee! =)
biqi: yarh!! so stressful. but i feel better now.. after 2 streams of water falls down my cheeks!
sniff bamboo: hahaa!! u're back?! dont disappear again!! blog too k!!! yarh, thanks man!! im not wasting my time on them. haha! focusing.. but oh no! seeing them again on fri! ok, last time?! hee!! =P seeya too!!

Saturday, March 04, 2006

stresssssssssssss

oh my goshhh!!! my head is getting bigger!!! oh no, its my brain!! no no no!!! its my brain nerves!!! bursting soon!!! and my hair is reducing!!! dropping off!!! turning white!! ahhhHH!!!
so stress so stress so stress!!!!
CDD.DCC.BDE.CDE.BEE. are not what i want!!!! its just so scary to look at the scores of the previous batch of a level students!! oh my mmy myy... wad da!!! only 2 out of 20 guaranteed a seat in the uni!!! wad about the rest? wad can they do? they passed 2 ao, 2 a subj.. passed gp too.. they cant repeat!! so how?? private candidate this yr?? private uni?? pay more? overseas? bankrupt?! oh my god!!
this part of the year is always the worse! still remember ranjit showing us the previous batch's o level EL results. ahhh.. and now its the a levels! oh gosh. stressful. fearful!!
i still have 10mths! its not long. but i still have time. something needs to happen within this timeframe. i must strive!!!
seen mr reynolds for dont know how many times!!! free labour for my class man!! its seems like collecting money from u guys is easy. but not! furthermore, need to look for reynolds!!! went up to the office so many times but to no avail. its either he's too busy or he's not in. and guess wad, when i finally met him, he'll ask me "why do u giv me after dateline!?" but the prob doesnt lies with me! i printed lots of copies of the list too! and when i finally sees him, he wants a combined one. omg! it sounds like an easy job. but it has been dragging for 3weeks!! i just want to get it done!! i should and could've meet the dateline! simple things like these is stressing me up. i feel like an idiot looking for him upteen times. even the staffs in the office knows me!!
waaadeva. im tired.

stresssssss

oh my goshhh!!! my head is getting bigger!!! oh no, its my brain!! no no no!!! its my brain nerves!!! bursting soon!!! and my hair is reducing!!! dropping off!!! turning white!! ahhhHH!!!
so stress so stress so stress!!!!
CDD.DCC.BDE.CDE.BEE. are not what i want!!!! its just so scary to look at the scores of the previous batch of a level students!! oh my mmy myy... wad da!!! only 2 out of 20 guaranteed a seat in the uni!!! wad about the rest? wad can they do? they passed 2 ao, 2 a subj.. passed gp too.. they cant repeat!! so how?? private candidate this yr?? private uni?? pay more? overseas? bankrupt?! oh my god!!
this part of the year is always the worse! still remember ranjit showing us the previous batch's o level EL results. ahhh.. and now its the a levels! oh gosh. stressful. fearful!!
i still have 10mths! its not long. but i still have time. something needs to happen within this timeframe. i must strive!!!
seen mr reynolds for dont know how many times!!! free labour for my class man!! its seems like collecting money from u guys is easy. but not! furthermore, need to look for reynolds!!! went up to the office so many times but to no avail. its either he's too busy or he's not in. and guess wad, when i finally met him, he'll ask me "why do u giv me after dateline!?" but the prob doesnt lies with me! i printed lots of copies of the list too! and when i finally sees him, he wants a combined one. omg! it sounds like an easy job. but it has been dragging for 3weeks!! i just want to get it done!! i should and could've meet the dateline! simple things like these is stressing me up. i feel like an idiot looking for him upteen times. even the staffs in the office knows me!!
waaadeva. im tired.

stresssssss

oh my goshhh!!! my head is getting bigger!!! oh no, its my brain!! no no no!!! its my brain nerves!!! bursting soon!!! and my hair is reducing!!! dropping off!!! turning white!! ahhhHH!!!
so stress so stress so stress!!!!
CDD.DCC.BDE.CDE.BEE. are not what i want!!!! its just so scary to look at the scores of the previous batch of a level students!! oh my mmy myy... wad da!!! only 2 out of 20 guaranteed a seat in the uni!!! wad about the rest? wad can they do? they passed 2 ao, 2 a subj.. passed gp too.. they cant repeat!! so how?? private candidate this yr?? private uni?? pay more? overseas? bankrupt?! oh my god!!
this part of the year is always the worse! still remember ranjit showing us the previous batch's o level EL results. ahhh.. and now its the a levels! oh gosh. stressful. fearful!!
i still have 10mths! its not long. but i still have time. something needs to happen within this timeframe. i must strive!!!
seen mr reynolds for dont know how many times!!! free labour for my class man!! its seems like collecting money from u guys is easy. but not! furthermore, need to look for reynolds!!! went up to the office so many times but to no avail. its either he's too busy or he's not in. and guess wad, when i finally met him, he'll ask me "why do u giv me after dateline!?" but the prob doesnt lies with me! i printed lots of copies of the list too! and when i finally sees him, he wants a combined one. omg! it sounds like an easy job. but it has been dragging for 3weeks!! i just want to get it done!! i should and could've meet the dateline! simple things like these is stressing me up. i feel like an idiot looking for him upteen times. even the staffs in the office knows me!!
waaadeva. im tired.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

mtl results

am i stressed up or am i just too tired. i just hate my life now. its so pressuring to be someone others want me to be. i dont want to act. but that doesnt mean im heartless. i've the right to chose who i want to be with isnt it. its jus so difficult to decide wad a person i want to be now. someone to please others? or someone to please myself?
i feel so unusual these days. all of a sudden, i lost my cherry, blubbly, optimistic personality. heavy workload? but i've leave sj to ease myself. and now, being the civics rep and first aid president messed up my feelings and thoughts even more. im just carrying out duties and responsiblities that i should, i have, i must as cg rep and fas president. but u know, its not easy being the leader. rushing people to pay up/ give suggestions/ offer assistance/ attend meetings/ etc. and the worse is, these people are of the same age as me! its unlike sj where i've respect and assistance from juniors. i really dont wish to appear too bossy to my clssmates/ members/ friends. neither want them to be unhappy becoz of me. im tired of being the one so responsible. if only i can heck everything and focus on my As..

gotten MTL result today. its a b3. actually i somewhat expected it. but i just hope for miracle. just like o levels. and now, im in a dilemma. to re-sit or not to for my MTL paper. many ppl advice me not to. its better to focus on other much more impt subjs. but i feel so wasted if im given a chance to resit and i choose not to! omg. this feeling is terrible. especially when facing fu lao shi (my chi tutor).. i hate it!!
i want the satisfied feeling that i had during o levels!! the fact that i got a surprising a2 for combind humanities. ms low, im so grateful. i can still vividly rememmber the look u gave me that day. thanks.

this batch of a level students didnt fare very well. % pass for gp declined. full distinction declined. i hope it doesnt hit my batch. i need to work even harder. so even if it happens, it shouldnt be me.

what's right or wrong

it felt so real. for the first time after so long. the signs were real, the feelings were real. the kisses were real. was it the right thing...