mtl results

am i stressed up or am i just too tired. i just hate my life now. its so pressuring to be someone others want me to be. i dont want to act. but that doesnt mean im heartless. i've the right to chose who i want to be with isnt it. its jus so difficult to decide wad a person i want to be now. someone to please others? or someone to please myself?
i feel so unusual these days. all of a sudden, i lost my cherry, blubbly, optimistic personality. heavy workload? but i've leave sj to ease myself. and now, being the civics rep and first aid president messed up my feelings and thoughts even more. im just carrying out duties and responsiblities that i should, i have, i must as cg rep and fas president. but u know, its not easy being the leader. rushing people to pay up/ give suggestions/ offer assistance/ attend meetings/ etc. and the worse is, these people are of the same age as me! its unlike sj where i've respect and assistance from juniors. i really dont wish to appear too bossy to my clssmates/ members/ friends. neither want them to be unhappy becoz of me. im tired of being the one so responsible. if only i can heck everything and focus on my As..
gotten MTL result today. its a b3. actually i somewhat expected it. but i just hope for miracle. just like o levels. and now, im in a dilemma. to re-sit or not to for my MTL paper. many ppl advice me not to. its better to focus on other much more impt subjs. but i feel so wasted if im given a chance to resit and i choose not to! omg. this feeling is terrible. especially when facing fu lao shi (my chi tutor).. i hate it!!
i want the satisfied feeling that i had during o levels!! the fact that i got a surprising a2 for combind humanities. ms low, im so grateful. i can still vividly rememmber the look u gave me that day. thanks.

this batch of a level students didnt fare very well. % pass for gp declined. full distinction declined. i hope it doesnt hit my batch. i need to work even harder. so even if it happens, it shouldnt be me.