corps oic dream!

hey hey. im back! thanks you guys for encouraging and supporting me while i battled to stand firmly on my sj ground! haha. and if you havent been showing yr concern for me, the tagboard is on the left! haha! =P
yea. i've decided to stay on despite the unhappiness and bitterness that i've tasted this past yrs in sj. (of course, there were sweet and tender loving care as well) its because, i realised i havent achieve what i've been yearning for since sec3! that is to be the corps oic!! no doubt its not going to be easy nor smoothly to reach there and do yr corps proud, but im determined to have a feel of it!
haha hilarious it may seems. an officer had told me that "the moment u get that post, u would wish that u could pass it to someone else." well, its true. afterall, when i reach there, will i be 25yrs old? haha! having other commitments definitely.
its jus my dream. and in order to do well and much much better than past yrs, i need the assistance and guidance from other corps officers as well as support and help from my standardmates and juniors!
haha. maybe im making this sentence too early. since i still have 3 seniors above me right now. i hope i can boost my morale again and motivate myself! im not creating insubordination by thinking big. =)
at least this way, i can comfirmed that im going to sign on! yes!

ok. for now, im gona listen to szeling and concentrate on my As next yr!! that is my upmost priority now. of coz, as much as i need yr help hweechin, i'll assist u as much as i can to make the BIG event successful!! and sniff sniff, yea man! i need more love! hahaa! need to cultivate more!! hahaa!! dun disturb me when im cultivating with someone else on course day k? hahahaaa!! and for fatmah, i guess u know the answer now. cont' to love me k? and probably i may need ur help when i attained the post! haha. =)

complements of the season! xmas eve & xmas

first of all, COMPLEMENTS OF THE SEASON to all!! had a merry merry christmas? its ok. u still have 12 more days! haha.
ok. shall not dwell on the 24th corps evaluation. a short summary/commentary of it:
it didnt turn out well. worse than what i've thought. i've seen the ugliest side of human - selfishness. i know the true side of all present. i was honest to all.
"commitment and passion. how do u weigh? and which is more important?" is the question that nobody can answer me. a passionate one cannot commit needs to leave?
requirements for an nco is needed. how about a volunteer?
trust. love. relationship. communication. are what that is all needed for our corps now. humans just detest changes. adapting may be tough. but its neccessary.
i just hate to see people leave and go. making decisions without informing the rest or even dropping hints. i must've been silly to trust u guys. made a fool out of myself.
ok. enough of it. though angela hweechin came over to my hse for count down, i didnt have a enjoyable xmas eve.

xmas day.
collected log cake and went over to xiao yi's place. invited angela hweechin along. had a sumptuous brunch! xmas tree was sparkling. loaded with presents below. chocolates filled the tea table. ate to my fill. drank little gin without jianhong and shengjie.
later, rushed to get presents for yi pin with charis and jasper. tampines was very crowed. discounts at all shops. wrapping services everywhere. took a crazy taxi down to serangoon chomp chomp. car sick and felt terrible.
saw yi pin approaching and she looks the same! i didnt send her off the other time so was really happy to see her again!! reached her place and haha vomited twice there! what a waste for all the delicious food that i ate at xiao yi's hse. haii.
still feel bad so left with junlong and ziyang after probably an hr there. vomited again on cab. luckily i had 2 plastic bags with me then. the taxi driver was funny! he asked "oh no! u drank? or took drugs?!" hahahaa!! i managed to giggle somehow and answered "no larh!! giddy! car sick!" $10 back to my house!! phew. so relieve to see my mum. then vomited again! haha..
so that's all for my xmas. bad eve and vomit 4times on xmas!! highest record though. thanks for the invitation and family and friends for your concern! im well now! ready for another ride! haha!

on the tag board:
for sniff & CHEOW, no need to say thanks. its interesting reading yr blogs. and understand yr corps. i do wish to prove them wrong. but i have not decided whether or not will i stay. if i stay, i'll face the same problem again with the same person, or even another. tok more to u guys on course day! yea, rock on! haha!
for fatmah, yes i agree. i used to think i love sj so much that i wont leave. but nw, i found out that im wrong. its my sec1s and 4s thats pulling me back. perhaps like wad i've said. i may nt stay any longer. thanks pal!
for yi pin, yea yea!! i love chilly crab man!! dip it with bread!! oOoOoo.. haha!!
for cherr, thanks man! im much much better now. eh? jan 11? wad time? celeb new yr??

and to all, best wishes!! =)

im awaiting for 24th!
not for xmas.
but for my corps meeting.
that includes my standard only.
its not something intriguing, fun.
a serious matter.

goodluck to phs corps!

bad

i always thought that my mdms and sirs who are grade5 or 6 (considerably high) would sign on for very long. since they're already officers. why not? but, i was wrong. many of them quitted last year. and most of them are very young (20yrs). why would they quit? other commitments? tough teacher-in-charge? uncontrollable cadets? boredom? its not gona be easy for me to say bye without turning back. i lost my resoluteness. xmas coming!! im going for gift exchanging with my sj mates n juniors! fun fun!!
its not that im proud. its not that im nice. its not that im good. its not that im clever. its not that im smart. its not that im perfect. its just that when people compare me with u, u see the difference? i appear wonderful. because u appear terrible. not that they've mistaken, u've shown it to them.
i dun deserve all that im suffering. all that i've endured through. for which i believe, u're the cause of it. u hurt me with words whenever im not prepared for them. and if i go on further, i'll make them upset. if i dun, i'll feel terrible. sometimes, sometimes i just have to lie. to myself.

sj gathering!

"refer to my email"
"check yr mail for more infomation"
"roger"
does it sounds robotic to u? oh man. there's this person sending msges to me in this manner! not only in smses, on msn too! can u imagine?!
this person has no feelings i guess.
such "creative" replies this person can think of.
is it so difficult to reply something like "tomorrow's meeting is cancelled. postpone to next week." ?? or send "can u attend the whole course? check the dates on my email." ??
don't u think it sounds better this way??
much friendlier!
does having a higher post, being higher up, makes one deviates from norm?
mostlikely in this case.
anyway, today had a sj meet with my stdmates!! angela, hweechin, joanna, grace, aaron, mark turned up! so glab to see aaron especially. think i missed his laugher, lame jokes, criticisms too much man! hahaa. things like "did i upsize my fries to a smaller one?" and "just go straight to the point!" made me burst into uncontrollable laughters!! of course, its with animations. haha.
we sat at cafe cartel for 3 hrs! gathering informations to fire, recalling all that we did as a sj cadet, complaining services and servings, gossiping abt lecturers, discussing magicians of diff countries, .... hahahaa. a gathering worthwhile!
shall meet again on 24th. xmas eve. bring gift everyone. =)
till then.

queensway (alexandra)

chiong 3 places today and bought nothing! went my sch (shut shutter) in the morning, then tamp sportshall (badminton was great!!), queensway (not alexandra), chinatown (og with all old women clothings), and changi airport (shocking toilet!)! enjoyable, fasinating, amazing trip i must say. can ask joanna. hahahaa.
ok. i've this bad feeling abt the 24/12 meet with my corps. is it going to turn out awful? i guess its all up to me. *oh my oh my* why me! hahaa.
im not going to leave. whatever it is. not now. not yet.
life is just so meaningful. im full of zest!

nus trip

went nus yesterday to attend the mathematics enrichment camp. frankly, was really reluctant to go. knowing the fact that we've to meet up at 7 just to reach there by 815! woo.. that's very early.
luckily ali and xtin were rather supportive of this and hence, we met up together with charis. i was in good mood! haha. that's why ended up chatting all the way frm tanah merah to buona vista! and seriously, if xtin nve remind us, we didnt even realise we've reached the station! phew. 3yrs past since my last visit to buona vista to renew my ezlink.
rain didnt dampen our spirit! took bus95 with some cj people. alighted and started walking and acting like we're the students there. hahaa.
lectures were pretty interesting. the lecturers taught new mathematic skills example sudoku, wavelets, torus, klein bottle, 4-colourings. some lecturers are really humourous. they can make their lectures more 'alive'. however, i really have hard time understanding what one china lecturer was saying! the moment i lose my attention, i couldnt catch a single thing he's saying!! and the next moment i try to listen, im lost again! hahaa. sounds funny? i think he sounded funnier! no offence readers! -
nus got no handsome looking guys!! ok, maybe most of them are still on hols. there's none in those who went for the course. most looks nerdy. neither any after we sneak awy frm the course and toured ard nus! it gave me an impression that its an old empty school. hmm may be all the better looking guys went abroad. hahaa! whatever it is, its good not to have distractions to get yourself distracted! hahaa.
ok. these are just my views on my first trip to nus. this trip doesnt refrain me from enrolling into nus after my as. i've just got to work harder to squeeze in! =P
anyway, xmas is nearing!! have you gotten my gift? if not, go get one soon! there's still time! hee!

snco 2005

slept for 14hrs yesterday. not immediately after i reached hm at 330. but at about 630.
this camp is another new experience, memory and journey for me. not with the trainees but with the trainers. glab that some people actually helps me to straighten my thoughts. love the corridor programme that we went through. that seems to be the most worthwhile moment i had in the camp. achieving what i want to.
had little connections w the trainees this time. thats good. at least i wont get pissed off by them if i had. haha. infact, being with trainers of older ages than me has allowed me to observe them, listen to them.
made my own gunpowder can for campfire. really satisfied with the outcome. luckily it did work! hahaa. though i was grumbling and complaining throughout the making of it, i've learnt a new skill! hee. can make it for other upcoming campfire! its the peak of the whole event ok!
im still sick. been coughin n coughin and worse still! i develop rashes during the 3rd and 4th days!! it itchs like hell and made me look really ugly with it! it goes frm arms to thighs, to upper arms and face! and today to legs and stomach! went to doc this morning. its mostlikely the aftermaths of my fever. im not going to eat the drowy medicine!!
the camp itself ended abruptly. break camp is just so out. a lot of things are missing. i cant explain..
its a green green post..

bad start for camp..

havent been blogging for days.. im now down with fever, flu, sore throat and cough. doc even suspect lungcancer! shitty.. scare me only.. haiii.. really wonder how m i going to pass through the 3nights camp starting frm tml..
was reali sick on weekends. but bcoz of snco, i still went for the course days on sat n sun.. tt last frm morning till evening.. didnt get to see doc.. who can understd how i feel.. how much i've sacrifice.. haiiii
the nights were terrible.. all i felt was lk a walking zombie.. breathless, restless, moodless.. feeling cold outside, hot inside.. flip flop flap on the bed zillion times couldnt get myself into dreams.. failed my counting of sheeps as well.. waking up.. falling down.. until the sky is bright and i got myself up for tt day's st john activity. haiii.. a sj slave..
sat was the first day and had opening parade @ the end.. i was the parade orderly once again.. things were ok for me.. endured through jus to get the parade done.. running 38.3degrees..
sun was trainer enhancement day.. yes.. as it goes.. for trainers only.. haiii.. running 38.6degrees.. but still.. live through..
camp starting tml but im so reluctant to go.. this yr got no mdm wenmei, xiao ting, da ting, chuiyee, no sir ben, chong boon, philip, no chiying, no angela... haiiii.. missed my last yr's frens loads!
this yr is so by-the-book.. fussy.. picky.. even trainers are hostile to trainers.. hello.. we're volunteers ok!.. worse of all.. we hav trainers appraisal.. meaning our superior gets to grade us.. and tt shall determine if we can go for next yr's officer course.. wad crappy business is this.. volunteers get graded.. as if i care abt my rank.
the only gd thing is tt everything is brought up during meetings to discuss.. (sarcastically) even tiny things like hairnet (to wear or not to wear) they also hav a discussion abt it.. haha! i was havin a grt laugh though. the whole camp is lack of a very important element.. that is 'ren qing wei'.. in english means.. human to human kind of relationship.. they hav no love.. no care n concern.. no sharing.. that's wad i felt.
wadeva it is.. shall nt disclose much jus in case any trainees gt to read this.. opps.. haha.
im reminded of the goals tt i've set. must achieve!
breathee......
badminton on mondae? yea. hopefully by then i've recover! =)
till then. seeya!