please

if life and being alive meant to be torment, i would rather, i was never borned.
you started your life crying, with everyone around you smiling.
and end it with everyone crying.
today, i saw the agony on your face, and it just made me lose everything. i wish i can be stronger. but i realised im human too.
i prayed to god, to ancestors, to reduce my lifespan and add to yours. i beg them not to take your soul away, but please take your pain and sufferings. i dont mind sharing physical agony with you..
school makes me coldhearted. i actually placed studies on top priority instead of my love ones. i neglect them, flared at them, all because of sch work. if i dont have to attend school, dont have to worry about passing examinations, then i would definitely have visited you more often. i really regret for thinking but not doing so earlier. must life really be like this? or just mine? i hate myself for being selfish. i hate myself for not putting myself in your shoes. i really would love and want to see you more often, just like my parents. but i cant. and why..
why is life so cruel?
sometimes i'll get mad with god. why? for not helping my family and i. for not being benevolent. for putting me through so much hardship which i feel that i shouldnt have. but in times of crisis, i'll still pray..
please god. save my granduncle. my family and me.

i wish to walk onto the beach at 80yrs old, and not wheeled. i wish to eat, to chew, to swallow through my mouth, and not through tubes.
If being alive is to worry about money, love, studies and health, then my biggest regret is to be alive.