never know

sometimes i really wonder what am i made of.
or rather, what am i made for.
losing the adrenaline to carry on with days of overwhelming unpredictions.
losing the battle with the devil inside me.
losing the strength i hold on to my belief.
losing the might to stay true.
losing the will to smile.
so sometimes i wonder. why am i me.

it can be hilarious. it may be tickling u.
it can also mean nothing to u.
and all i can do is to say its ok. and act like it really is.
wtf.

dependent on others' happiness to be happy.

shacking yes. nodding no.

i wish ive the intelligence.
i wish ive the ability.
i wish ive the courage.
i wish ive the charm.

empathize with you bro. but the impediments are still there.
nobody will understand. no idea how to elaborate explicitly.
but truly understand how it feels to be in your position.
but politics. passion. are simply not my priorities anymore.
i cannot let that happen. should not. and will not.

but if i ever give a nod. thats when my heart really starts bleeding.


half-time
so surprised to see u back! familiar door knocking but never expected. hahaa. just felt so happy to see u! on yr birthday somemore!
big bro! jiayou! one year older, with one yr more of knowledge, capabilities and skills!
may u clamp your people down like a pivot in the match!

who knows

3 cheers to the end of swoc! and viola! school has started! and my first lect is only at 6pm later!

lost the courage to lead. or rather, prefer to be led, than to lead.
thanks for identifiying me still. i just have to say no.
for theres so much more that i would do, without obligations.