bye

hamster father benben left
not knowing if it was exactly 30th march 09
hais
can still remember vividly the times we went to pick her
she wipes her face
she runs real fast
almost off the bus
and then it turns out to be a him
like i said
its either u leave first
or others will leave before you
but now, i dontknow which is better

the overflowing sink

maybe u dont know
not even the slightest idea
so well that i can hide
from u the truth behind

the comfort that i had
i dontknow where is it
im controlling but im losing
the balance of all things

im sorry

make me laugh pls

ignore this pls

i dont know if i can do anything
i wish i cant
but i need to
and whatever that im doing pierce me through
as i smile and say everythings okie
i dont mean it
i hate whats happening
those nights that haunt me for 21years
earlier some people told me theres hope
i kept my fingers cross and told them not really
why does it all happen even though i anticipated it
i knew its gona blow
just dont know when
if i have magic power
i make u freeze
have u ever imagine the fear and tears im getting used to
knowing what will come yet unsure of what to do
i can only say 'dont shout' but when will u guys ever listen to me
im so apologetic to my relatives
i know how much u guys tried to help
but times n again we let u down
i really hate and especially sorry to make my problem your problem too
this has happened so many times but i can say im still not numb
i dont like u guys to see from one point only
but i find it hard to strike the balance myself
i cant help to feel and look old and i want my childishness too
i cant help but keep thinking of what has happened
i cant stop wondering how theyre doing
i cant rest cos i needa think of ways to resolve
or at least make the best out of it
i cant hesitate i cant be slow
but
i cant stand it anymore
yet i know more is about to come
just when can i leave this
maybe they will only realize when they found out one day
im gone
i lose the hope to move on
i lose the life to live on
i lose the power to lead on
one problem leads to another
sometimes i wish im the bad one

pretty ugly

leaving is indeed a quick fix and might just be the best solution

just've to

its unhealthy to heart
but i'll feel even worse to hurt others'
that's me and its just me i know
and going with the flow seems to be the only way
do what im supposed to
needed to and
maybe that'll lead to somewhere better
somewhere new
that i can only imagine for now


u can tell a fake laughter
but u cant tell a fake smile

theres no way to hide

sometimes u ask for more choices
becos u feel like ure left with none
while some other times when u have choices
u wish u dont have to choose

selfless but sad
selfish and bad

its arriving at another checkpoint
where red tapes are all around
which make decisions shake
and loss of directionality
then come to realisation
that im stuck

i told daddy im not a good person.
daddy smiled and said he will take note.


Hi jianli! havent seen u for real ages!
Hey von! haha so qiao! i want a treat from them! cos im their product! haha

nussu pru

it always feel good after doing what you want to do

just need a little more effort a little more sacrifice and a little less thinking

words may not be credible

but im feeling happy

for you my friend

i smiled =)

true

happy 25th anniversary.


waiting all my life
to cross this line
just to find that
its just aint enough

my cutie pies know

never knew it could still matter
until it happens

myself

in a moments time,
i will look back,
and agree that i was being stupid and childish.

can the moment come fast..
please..

lost

okies. im affected.

still seems

response came faster than expected
unanswerable questions and doubts
flying pass the minute brain
diluting all that was once held

white lies help..
pls lie to me


05s07

dont read up

theres always reasons to love
cos u never know wads gona come
wads coming after
and u may have yet to know how the pain aches in the heart

almost everyday everynight
even the tiniest minute sometimes
u look at the texts and all thats running in your mind were nonsense
every decision every steps dont seem to matter anymore
cos the rain is coming and the days are ending
for me too


try recalling the last time u felt the elation of actually receiving something that u thought you can only imagine

would u sell

i havent buy myself a birthday gift.

but how much can i afford.

fitted in my mummy's wedding qipao of 25 years.

then, i wondered through my wonderland..

just for u

i wish for u to be happy in whatever u do and all decisions u make!

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY QUIN!


i know u read my blog..