what's right or wrong

it felt so real. for the first time after so long.

the signs were real, the feelings were real. the kisses were real.

was it the right thing to do? guilt die in me yet i pray every night that we've hope.

not sure if it's silly to say, but it really feels different this time.

but i guess, as i type this, this will end too.

my fate is destined, to just suffer in the realm of love.

never be able to own one, officially, proudly.

it's too difficult inside me. on cloud nine one moment, and gets beaten down hard the next moment.

fear that this ends, makes me tremble. but, how long will it last?

God, i thought you've sent love to me, answering my prayers. please help.me.

i don't want anyone to be hurt. myself too.

when timing is all that matters

only if i am a decade earlier; fate,

played me again and again;

put me to the test of control;

caught me stealing touches;

left me in the bewilderedness;

thinking what to do next.

when can i call you mine? 

the month of Feb

33rd v.day

or technically 32nd since i was born 20

this part of my life that i am most ashamed of

with a scorecard of zero to kick me out of league each time

and it is like no matter how much effort you put it

it is never just yours that matter

but i thank God i have friends and work to fully distract me

at least some parts i am proud

and albeit the setbacks

there is always a strange sense of perseverance 

and hope💕

eve of Christ

tbh, i thought it could be it.

the jittery, nervously almost put me out.

i went and i enjoyed.

but the fairytale ending always far from me.

almost believing this one is not pretend.

so close. so close. still so far.....