wads sj for?

zc is just so superd!
he had rearranged and put tpss under the cluster incharged by pl!!!
wohoo! smart move sir!
hehee.
so looking forward to meeting him again!
in zone. in camp.. and on streets!
hahaa.
but how can i be in sj again?
it definitely takes me a lot of courage to step in.
i smiled at others. and said "nvemind."
is that true?
and graduates nve have easy lives in sj. just look around.
am i ready?
but still, for now, im convincing myself to continue.
for my passion. for my committment. for my love.

call 995

i love school!
yea!! going back for lessons is just so great!! i want more!! somewhat i feel weird with so few make-up lessons in june holidays!! hmm. i feel so happy to see my teachers mrs neo, ms lee, ms leo!! and my frens! let me name a few here, charis, alison, kit, teresa, zhengyi, kenneth, gina!!
staying home in just so crap!
im so lucky angela was free yesterday to share my woes!! pheww..
anyway, bought a shirt! 2 hairbands! ate haagendasz! shopped around! laughed! joked! just so fun larh!
though spent quite a lot, esp the ice cream!! one scoup for $5.20! haha.. we dine in anyway. haha but the money is worth spending!! i could have spent more, to make myself happier! =)
haha. at least i've found a way to release myself. that is to spenddddd!!! wohoo!~
the usual spendthrift me will not be normal on such occasions. hee.
so back at home? yea yea. i simply couldnt be bothered to speak! not even look at her in the eyes!
makes me sick and disgusted! arent u embarrass my dear?! if u're not, i am!
such a freak!! sometimes i just wonder whats going on in your mind! must be infested with worms man!! couldnt even think sensibly! and speak yr mind!! why? need me to look for some fortune teller ah? to guess wad u've to say!
its just such a disgrace!!
u know who u're! or maybe u dont, coz u cant even figure this out!

i dont wana stay at home!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
rescue me!!!!!!!!!

ffffffing

wtf.
even animals in over the hedge know wad family is. but my family doesnt!
selfish. unrepentant. incorrigible!
how the hell i get my good genes from! it must have skipped generations!
when it comes to handling problems or situations, they're just so muddleheaded!!
so everything throws back to me!
shouldnt children not interfere into adults' problems? this is crapz!
everyone is the house are weaklings!

rubbish bin

buzzz

oh man! im so looking forward to Alevels!!
muhaaha.. that's because snco camp (its a stjohn camp anyway) is right after that!!
and yea! guess who i can meet there.. muhaahahaaa... sooo sweeettt!~
haha! im fascinated!!
weee!~ camp is really busy. its stretches for 5days! with lots to accomplish on a single day!
not paid. not enough sleep. no comfortable beds. arrhhHH! wad the hell right! haha.. but well, that's the speciality of st john camps!
challenge yrself! =)

life is such a breeze~

undo

a folded piece of paper, will remain folded no matter how much u tried to unfold it, u will never remove the crease.

out to kill~

i've finally learnt how to liberate myself from the inhumane creature and its iniquities.
that it to laugh!
but seriously, if i have the opportunity and courage, i'll not hesitate to eliminate it from this earth. =)
well i dont think that my friends who i meet almost everyday in school deserve my blacken face right. actually we are a bunch of funny people! we've the most craziest aka big bully, kit! the english-pro, alison! the shopping queen with v.different perspective on issues, lowcharis! the cheena-pro, teresa! and of course the appear most studious, 'guai' girl but infact can be really evil at times, zheng yi! hahaa!! i shall not describe myself.. =)
today i just made a fool out of myself. well, having different frequency with them. we were all talking, then my blurred face appeared, they asked if i understd "yea yeah! u guys mean ...."! haha. my answer just knock them out! and they all gave me the "whack me plz leeling" look! LOL! damn funny with all the "3 strokes" coming down from the sides of their faces! hahaa! and of course, i've just convinced them that im slow huh? hahaa!
and oh my class, wohoo! finally, i've just told jl (assistant rep) that im going to hand him all the class rep duties! coz im so sick of serving the class for 6terms! i guess im kind enough to just leave him with 2 more terms, which is practically nth much to do due to exams. =)
just went back for st john on sat. its a jnco trainer/trainee briefing. woah. its been a vlong time since i step into st john era again. and this time, im there as practically nth larh. coz i didnt want to be a trainer for that camp. so im there to observe? supervise? and learn of coz! met many frens there.. so happy. tpss corps is dieing man! and guess wad! im not feeling any sad abt it! the best is it closes! wohoo! story ends with the departure of an incompetent person. and i heard tt pl and hw going for snco again!! this time with different postings! wohoo!! im really looking forward to it! hahaa!! bless me with a gd post! =) hahaa.. my fav snco, held in tpss, with my idols!! weee~ hahaha.. oh heard sumthg tt i guess i shouldnt know, from w. and gosh. the news didnt really shock me much. but it does to hc and g. hmm. more or less, i know wads behind the cunning culprit's mind. so its predictable larh. will have to start our evil plans after my exams! =) wahaha..
just dont know why, i met so many devils in this 18 yrs of my life. and they're still haunting me! so i'll wipe them all out one day!

let go

i always turn to my blog as my last resort.
im not happy. not at all. stop lieing. stop pretending.
i refused to believe in god. in jesus. in heaven. or in guanyin. in pu sha. in tian ting. becoz i just dont see them helping me. im being mentally tortured almost everyday of my life. my family school st john are pushing me to the edge. i've long forgotten the sense of happiness. the feeling of peacefulness and the loving for people. if god/guanyin really exists, then why isnt he/she saving me? i cant devote myself to them, coz they've nve proven to me that they exist and have heard my grievances.
i thought my sis has changed for the better. i convinced myself and i tried to convince others too. i think that we should be glad tt at least there IS some little positive changes. but i was wrong again. i just realised im so naive to have believed her. now that i got no room of my own and have to sleep w my parents, my mum got so miserable becoz she doesnt hav her privacy with my dad.
everyone's asking me "why dont u sleep with your sis then?"
do you know. thats my greatest fear. i've long developed fobia after being in da same rm as her for 17yrs. finally gotten my own rm last year and i thought everything's gona be fine. but i was wrong! given up my room was something really nobel! but so wad? some people tt i wish they can understand, just dont!
privacy u want. a life of your own. so u cant share with me. means wad? my dear, i dont have my own privacy too! u think i love to sleep share the rm with u once again?! privacy privacy own life own life.. how about me? i just need u to spare a little thought for me. serious speaking, i dont have a life of my own either! im not living for myself. and yet i've to face so much problems and stress that dont belong to me! who's there to understand? all i ask for is some cooperation. but people just dont seem to get it. and they've just made my life worse. maybe my life means nth to them. and if that's true. it really sad.
i always feel that im suffering much more than i should be enjoying. the problems that im facing just shouldnt be there. im innocently being implicated into such misfortune. and wad can i do? being able to think sensibly (tt is really somethg tt i wish i cant do!) puts me in a worser situation!
if im a bad person, i can jolly well let my granduncle slps in the living rm (but i cant make myself do tt).
i can just stop studying so hard and just get myself into an ite will do (but i wan to achieve more).
i should just ignore people's feelings and do wadeva i want (but i cant make myself do tt either).
if only im childish and selfish. eventhough many will dislike me, but i believe i can be much more happier den im now.
life is not making easy for me. it becomes so worthless now.
everyone just dont understand wad im going through.
and nobody will be able to help.
im on my own.
2 problems have merged into one. and its killing me.
i guess i'll hav the living rm to myself then.
god/guanyin, if u're around, let me go.