screwed

so in the end, i sacrifice my last blue faculty shirt. and im left with none.
not that i want it of course, im not a saint anyway.
i've no choice.
so am i asking for a lot of appreciation from u people? or you just dont know how to express gratitude?
thanks to my gang of friends in class, kit, charis, zhengyi, teresa and alison. u guys made my contributions more worthwhile.
the school the authorities the tutors the councillors and the factory involved should just kill themselves for screwing up such simple things!

rants

when one bad thing happens, there's bound to be another. and another. and another..
just when i thought i can take a little rest, matters begin. first is the class faculty shirts.
the shirts given to me (for my class) do not tally with the list that i've submitted! and of course, some people get size L instead of S!! this is ridiculous right. how do u expect us to wear? most importantly, we paid $10 each to the councillors (useless!). Then there's this annoying person who came up to me and said:
"why L!? how could i get L?!"
"i ordered M and not L.. i should have my M.. who took my M?"
wad da fuck i thought and gave tt person an irritated look.
not did the person get my message and get lost, that person still continues:
"why dun u collect back all the shirts and give out again? at the same time write down the sizes that they take."
wad da fuck!! she's thinking that someone took her shirt! but obviously it was the councillors/suppliers who made a mistake in the order!!! for your infomation, she's a councillor herself!!
so yr most responsible class rep (thats me!) couldnt take it anymore and shouted back "that's none of my business!!!" and finally she retreat!
LOL.. come to think, im not angry anymore. but yet i find it damn funny larh! hahaa!! but seriously, wad u expect me to do at that moment?? immediately snatch from someone and give u an M size shirt?! can't you wait?!? the rest wasnt making any noise about it ok!! sickening. and all that you can do is to grumble and grumble!!
see! i knew this thing will happen so i left ziyang with the order thingie and collection of $$. nevertheless, when something happens, everyone comes to yours truly (me!) again.. this fac shirt is driving me nutz!! i've been searching high n low for yazid (the teacher in charge) and hopefully he can gave me an answer. all that the useless coward irresponsible fucking asshole councillors can do is to say "its the factory that screw up yr orders." so it isnt their fault huh!! kiss my ass..
yea im damn mad n pissed with this stupid thing that im like in-charge of. i know its not my fault. but i just want to get things right! and make sure everyone is happy with his or her own shirt! even iiiiii have to sacrifice my own shirt!!!!!...
and now 3 duties to do for first aid society. sportsday this friday and seasports carnival heats! so much to plan, so much to decide, so much to do, so little time!! haii.. im doing my best for my cca already (tts coz im the president!) and i really hope i can hand over in july!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~ god bless.

-- end of ranting --

please

if life and being alive meant to be torment, i would rather, i was never borned.
you started your life crying, with everyone around you smiling.
and end it with everyone crying.
today, i saw the agony on your face, and it just made me lose everything. i wish i can be stronger. but i realised im human too.
i prayed to god, to ancestors, to reduce my lifespan and add to yours. i beg them not to take your soul away, but please take your pain and sufferings. i dont mind sharing physical agony with you..
school makes me coldhearted. i actually placed studies on top priority instead of my love ones. i neglect them, flared at them, all because of sch work. if i dont have to attend school, dont have to worry about passing examinations, then i would definitely have visited you more often. i really regret for thinking but not doing so earlier. must life really be like this? or just mine? i hate myself for being selfish. i hate myself for not putting myself in your shoes. i really would love and want to see you more often, just like my parents. but i cant. and why..
why is life so cruel?
sometimes i'll get mad with god. why? for not helping my family and i. for not being benevolent. for putting me through so much hardship which i feel that i shouldnt have. but in times of crisis, i'll still pray..
please god. save my granduncle. my family and me.

i wish to walk onto the beach at 80yrs old, and not wheeled. i wish to eat, to chew, to swallow through my mouth, and not through tubes.
If being alive is to worry about money, love, studies and health, then my biggest regret is to be alive.

tpjc runway show

tpjc runway show was spendid! it is my first time attending school's night performance!
well, it (refering to being there) was meant to be just there to support the twins (angela n shirley) in my class, since they're participating. then the songs n atmosphere triggered me. my spirits were lifted. i started whistling, cheering and shouting at top voice! haha. the feeling is just so cool! its been a long time since i last cheered! ohh.. my voice getting softer man! haha..
obviously, not the whole class went down to support (tt can NEVER happen). only a countable of 8people out of 21! of course, i definitely feel rather saddening that so few actually turn up to give wad they can actually offer to make people's day! (i.e. support!) not that all should go because i want them to, but apparently, they dun feel the need to be there? sad to say, yes. i seriously regretted being so selfish last yr for not attending guitar, band, choir, drama night!! they must've been even better than today. of course, if majority of the people are already comfirmed attending, then perhaps u can skip one performance night. but knowing the twins have very few close friends in school and class, there's a need for their closest friends (like us!!) to support them!!
its not an obligation to do it. tts for sure. its not anyone's duty. but doesnt it goes against your conscience? making u feel a little guilty? well seriously, i feel like i've done a good deed for attending this runway performance tonight! i believe the twins appreciated our presence too! i cheered and clapped as loudly as i can to calm them now during their walk - that's the best that i can do, and i've done it. +++ i enjoyed the performance! =)
good job!

i just hope to see a little more unity, a little more teamwork, a little more cooperation, a little more responsibility, a little more cohesiveness, a little more fun in class! if not, how are we going to win this year's dragon boat competition!?!?!?!!?
dont coerce me to think that i can just endure thru another 6mths with u guys, and everything will be over.

election!

omg. now that im online, i forgot what i have in mind to blog!
ok, first of all, elections coming up! wohoo! this year's election seems to be really interesting! with many opposition parties stepping up! we've SDP, SDA, WP.. so who will you vote? haha! that's out of the question.. im still underage! but somehow, this year's election caught my attention! and im reading up news on the MPs who are contesting in my town's GRC. hahaha. oh, and today is the first day where rallies begin!! yea man! im going down to listen!! and will they speak like caleb? muhahaa!!!
school is fun! you know, lessons with mrs neo, ms lee, ms leo are really engaging and inspiring! solving questions, explaining concepts even going through gp lessons becomes a breeze now! =)
first aid society is killing me!!! so many events coming up that require medics!! we've sportsday next friday, seasports heats the following monday, then the actual seasports carnival another week! omg! i hate duties!! i never like it! so what if i help the casualty to clean his wound?! i dont feel as appreciated and rewarding as to give up my seat on the bus to an auntie!!! even after reading, memorising theories of first aid, wad matters most is still the practical part! locating the casualty to a shady area may be something that u tend to even forget! first aid society is supposed to render services to the school, worse still, when u're doing your duty, the teachers (and not students!) will crowd around you and check if you're doing the correct thing!! for that, i mean staring at you (and not the casaulty) and continuously criticising/commenting on what you're doing!! worse of the worse, "are you sure what you doing is right?" they will ask!! F off man!! if you're so good, why dont u do it!! that's why i really hate duties. especially the ones in my school! see, even before the events start, im anticipating for the worse to happen.
im just going to get people to do the duties instead, since im a little haemophobic! haha!
angela's birthday celebration went well! haha my trick works brilliantly ok! smart! hahaa! surprise!! of course, with a little wit of hweechin's to piece everything nicely! hahaa. since 'shi ba di gu nian yi duo hua' (18yrs old girls are as pretty like flowers), we're all hua (flower) already! muhahaa! oppss!! one more to bloom.. hweechin! quick! LOL! =x
well, i was telling them, i couldnt take surprises man! i was tramatised by what they've actually planned for me! haha! sorry for saying that. but its true! my goodness!! no mental preparedness can kill me man! i'll faint! hahaa.. so i was telling hweechin "buy me a little meaningful storybook for my bday next time!" hahaa! or somethg like wad fat made for me!! i think it tells a thousand stories. ok. so surprise = shock = tramatise and leads to death. hahaa.
came across this, "ur own capabilities are dependent on others". well, if you've done ur best for an exam for example, then the rest is all up to how well ur mates do! haha. apparently it sounds right. but dont forget.. ur friends capabilities are dependent on urs too!!! so moral of the story is, JUST DO WELL! defeat urself and not others! u know, u know.

miox

just back from tpss's 20th anniversary carnival cum speechday!
well done st john, although i feel that we can be much better! =)
i thought terence did well as parade commander! did us proud.
the std4s are really happy that they're FINALLY stepping down. wahaahaa. every year's the same! 2 yrs ago i was like them! its like 'wo-hoo!, no more burden, responsibilities, trainings, scoldings!' yea right, but only after to feel so wrong every saturday w/o st john to attend, then i convinced myself i've sank into this deep shit.. well for now, was it because im so used to going for stjohn that i thought i cant live w/o it?! haha, maybe. but its just too early to ponder about this. =)

oh man. i've tried to be thrifty these days.. if not my dad's gona nag again. hai!~ w/o money IS a problem! not only to the person w/o money, but to the whole family as well! been trying to eat bread in school, not to buy drink, lunch at home. though might not be very useful, but i guess tts the most i can do. the best is to come home straight after sch, then i'll use the money for sch again tml. =)
i do hope we can strick some toto or 4D..

richness

im rich

with love;
with happiness;
with knowledge;
with power;
with zest;
with passion;
with joy!

how rich are you?

tests & exams everyweek!!
im rich with exams too! hee.
wohoo!