i really do.

maybe its the idea of having you.

maybe its my perception of you.

i teared and prayed.

i miss you.

there's no reason to everything

ended just as i expected.

no words to describe.

nobody to blame.

i was on the best self. the true self.

prayed for the days to stay.

prayed for the shooting stars to work.

prayed for the magic to work.

it all turned out only to be another joke.

i continue to believe in love, no matter how bad love is to me.

i continue to have faith, no matter how much setbacks you have for me.

because i know, someday, something kind will happen.

and will last.

I'm sorry, it has to be a sad ending.

nothing beats my effort and thoughtfulness for only you.

so let my tears bring them far far away. far away with you.

Breathe

please. give me a chance.
please. be gentle.
please. be nice.
please. 
can only hold on this much.

reality is too much to take.

for you.

the lesson learnt, is to not ask, not expect, not want and all will be fine.
as i laid beside, feeling a lil bit of bliss.
thats all i need to breathe.

life puts me through nightmare over and over again.
and i strongly believe its to make me learn the hard way.
tears may flow. heart may be broken. life goes on.
theres many other reasons to keep me smiling. 

after all,
practice (acting) makes perfect.

despite that, i still have the heart, that keeps you warm.
and thats just me.

you're lucky.

Be. Contented.

May i take this as a miracle?

I'm totally petrified.

Really scared that it's just another bubble that will burst unexpectedly.

There's really some alikeness, and chemistry.

I hope, and i pray for, it's mutual. 

Want it so much, that i dare not want it.

I'm really scared. 

Please. 

That's all i ask for. 

simple. love.

i knew.it

30 July 2014 - you knew it, don't you
_______________

Thank you.
Thank you for being a part of my one and a half years.
Countless of disappointments, unmeasurable amount of tears.
Unlimited self denial, unknown lies. 
However tough, i really thought we could pull through and was always holding on to a tiny glimpse of what we call, 'hope'.
I thought i knew you, in and out. No one knows better.
Until the day, my mind and heart zoned out. 

Thank you.
For the coincidental bump onto your other half.
For the unintentional hearing of your disgusting self. 
Honestly, no ladies should go through what i have just did.
I pray for all my girl friends to never experience this.
The feelings are just, worst than heartbroken.

God.
Thank you.
The second phase was horrible and i was not sure.
Somehow, i could feel your little help.
Thank you, Peace. Love. Life.
I need to move on.
I deserve the best for mysel

Thank you.
My dearest friends, M, F, CK, A, HC, C.
For those who know, for standing by me.
For those who don't know, for never asking.
This is really warming.
Please forgive me for being the me then.
Truly appreciate. Every single bit of kindness.

Thank you.
Ray.

FUCK OFF

If I can kill

I would

To have a fucked up bitch at home

simply destroy my inner peace

I am willing to give up everything

Just to have her out of my life

Take her away!

Or you take me!

I HATE YOU! 

REALLY!